no substance needed

There has been a season where I have acted so “out of character” and felt like such an addict, and yet there has not been any substance of drink and/or drugs in the mix at all. (When there is substance involved people can turn into very different people do things that they wouldn’t normally do.)

As I have considered this, I realised that sometimes what is a deep need within a person can be perfect soil for toxic seeds to be planted that can grow so quickly that we don’t even have soundness of mind to see how this poison ivy is wrapping itself around our spirits and being, making us become more enslaved to something we would never normally consider. I believe that the ground for toxicity to be able to grow is ground that has been left unattended and derelict and not been handed over to the Master Gardener. This could be because we are believing lies instead of Truth; perhaps that we have no value as opposed to being God’s treasured possession; or feel abandoned, even though God’s Word says that He will never abandon us even if our own mother does; or that we are alone- when God says that He will never leave us or forsake us..

Any space that is occupied with lies- even small ones- is land that the enemy has permission to use… and this is where we can end up with a situation that is bigger than us.

In any of these situations it is true that we have a very real enemy and he does have authority- but only what he is given, or what he is able to take from us due to our passivity or ignorance.

But it is also true that there is the Lord God Almighty that has all power and authority and will also occupy every area that He is welcomed into and given access to. But unlike the devil, the Lord God Almighty will never occupy without our consent or agreement.

Let us welcome God into our addictive messes because He is the only One that is able to heal and restore and redeem.

the big brother blues

From last post, I am continuing to ponder on the parable of the prodigal son. But now it is about the older brother. This guy is the one who stays and works and is faithful to his father. Yet we see that his heart was as offended as ours would be when his younger brother comes back. We don’t know if he was close to his brother and felt totally abandoned when he left, or if they never got on and he was glad
to see him go (and happy to be able to have a legitimate reason to hold against him)..

The sad part of his side of this story is that he was always surrounded by everything and yet didn’t know how to access the benefit and identity of it all. His father said to him that everything he had was at his son’s disposal and yet nothing was enjoyed by him.

He has the polarised view from his brother’s selfish freedom; having the mentality of a worker enslaved.

It seems that both brothers missed the heart of the father and were distant from the security and identity of knowing who they were- free, abundant, hardworking, blessed, family, responsible.

Let us know the true position of our identity so that we can work hard from a place of knowing our identity and not for our identity.

the very annoying little brother

Last week as I was reading Luke 15, I felt my annoyance grow against the younger brother; he not only cussed his dad by wishing him dead and taking his money, but he only wanted to go back to his family home because he was thinking about his stomach! There was no remorse or consideration about how much pain he had caused- both to the hearts of his family, the reputation, the relationships..

I come to this chapter a few times during a year and he has been getting more and more on my nerves! I find him selfish and self- absorbed, without any cares about hurting anyone else- just as long as he gets what he wants. I think he probably brings up all my personal annoyance towards those in my own life who I have felt hurt and offended by! (Mirror, mirror in the Word!) So when I read about how the son was then making a script about becoming one of his dad’s servants, I thought how merciful that would be on a human level for the dad to accept this. His dad even thinking of accepting him back into the house- even to serve- would be human’s high mercy… But then we read that his dad doesn’t even respond to the son’s script but goes WAY above and beyond and invites him back to come and live as his SON!!

How challenging is this to us- when our great mercy would look like allowing the son back in our lives at all!

This parable shows us the kind of standard of love that God is showing us the example to live by- that we should love others so much that we hold nothing against them including unforgiveness and offence.

This higher law is beyond feelings and ‘our truth’, and even beyond what others will say and opinionate about our dealings with such matters, it is beyond how we will look to others (weak, pathetic, doormat, walkover, etc).

It was such a cold smack in the face as I was reading this as this is the Truth that we need to live by if we want to be fully free and fully secure and active in our true identity. But as the smack started to fade in its sting(!), I consider how much I need God to help me in absolutely everything, and how amazing that He desires to help me in everything!

new year’s resistance

Each New Year I ask God for a word to have for the coming 12 months and it is so interesting that as I look back, the words that I’ve had have been the exact opposite in what has either been ‘manifested’ or even come anywhere close to the word. I’m not sure if this is pure attack, or if the word has produced but in a different format to what I expected, or if it is even deeper still and was just given in seed form
in the at year that will produce over different time periods..

This year (and we’re only 4 days in at the time of writing this!), my ‘word’ has almost tormented me and kept me awake at night and it has been SO crazily difficult to fix my mind and position to align with God. 

As I’m trying to organise my thoughts, I find it interesting to think that as soon as we move into an assertive stance or position to grow or expand, the resistance increases massively! When our intention is set then it seems that everything within us goes into revolt and wants to then start taking away the little ground that we had!

To engage in growth we must be so aware that we have a real enemy that is against us- the devil and all his demons- as well as our own flesh and comfort zone (or even pain zone- whatever is most usual and accepted as our normal). When we go from passive to assertive, we will always find that the path of least resistance is trying to lead us right back to where we are trying to move on from!

Let us not become discouraged or fatigued as we move forward and let us fix our eyes on the goal. If things don’t look like what we expected then that’s fine- as long as we are investing our all into what we believe we need to be doing, everything else is out of our control.

isolated and withdrawn

Jesus withdrew after a guy He healed went and told of the miracle of healing he had received.. after being told not to.

When we think we are “promoting” Jesus, if He has told us not to mention Him then we are actually not loving Him. We have decided for ourselves what is best, or have taken excited steps to express our emotional amazement of Him, outside of His will and our honour of him.

I don’t understand why Jesus didn’t want to be known for this healing, but maybe it’s because He knew He would have to withdraw.. 

When we are asked to do something outside of our emotional excitement and Christian life of “spreading the news” we must gather ourselves in and remember that when we share what we’ve been asked not to, it can lead to people being withdrawn and isolated. They have trusted in someone that has not been able to keep their word which creates a sense of unsafety in a relationship. 

Let us be people who can be trusted to speak and also be silent, and to discern God’s leading and direction for both. And not to be taken in by the desire to people-please or ‘people-impress’ with our ‘knowledge’ or ‘experience’, or ‘understanding’. If God has told us to not do something that makes no sense to us whatsoever, we submit to Him– not to our own understanding of the ‘helpfulness’ of our wisdom and how we can “help” Him.

We need emotional maturity so that we can obey God; over our excitement, disappointment, confusion, eagerness- and any other emotion. 

We have emotion. Emotion does not have us.

be led by God, not a ‘noble’ desire

When I was younger I left my local church to go to a city church as I felt that I would get ‘fed’ better. Interestingly, while the teaching was ‘better’, I have had
to unlearn so much from this place, and disengage with lies that I got polluted with. Lies that I wasn’t good enough as I was. That I should be platform seeking
and if I wasn’t then I mustn’t be serious about God.. All these subtle but deeply impacting lies of the enemy to undermine the Truth and Freedom of being in
Christ.

The people from the local church are all still in contact with each other (myself included) and if we wanted to arrange a reunion from the years we were together, everyone would be able to be contacted through the consistent contact and connection- even though most have left the area, region, country.

This is so what church family looks like.

Whereas from the city church, there is no-one that I am in contact with and there has been such breakdowns of relationships that a lot of people from that era
are not in touch with each other. There is not much that has lasted the distance unfortunately.

I have learnt that performance will never take the place of family. And that when it is all about performance, we are full of the pride of looking at ourselves- either
we could have done better, or we did a great job.

Moving to another church to be “fed” is not a bad thing at all. (This was before the internet and so there was no access to “feed” from others across the globe.) But even though it is not bad to want to grow deeper and further in God, we need to be aware of what direction He is saying to us. He is the One that knows what and who we need in our lives, and even though great teaching is brilliant, being part of a family is very important.

I have thought about this season recently and likened it to having an affair- wanting more; wanting what we feel we “lack” when actually what we have is an unusual blessing that we don’t even realise until we have left and then see that the “more” that we were desiring is actually nothing good or worthy of the sacrifice of
what we had.

Let us be wise and appreciate, honour and respectfully commit to what we have (unless God wants us to move), and not be the fool who realises that the twee saying of “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” can be very true.

“what if…” to “even if…”

Esther, and the Hebrew boys in the book of Daniel were very clear in their conviction and position that God is the One that they worship over any other and that He is the One to fear beyond any man. This conviction brought them to a place where it meant that their action, or inaction meant that they could perish or were put to death by fire.

This shows us incredible examples of what a life laid down unto death looks like. And this is inspiring and what we would desire (as followers of Christ).

But how about the small decisions in life. How about instead of desiring the bigger gestures, that we begin where we are.. 

I have been thinking that maybe our resolve may not look like “even if I perish..”, but it could look like “even if… I look like a fool.. I will contend for the promise that God has given me”, or “even if… this person does not get healed right here and now, I will pray for them with faith that God is Jehovah Rapha- the One who heals”, it may look like “even if… I am rejected, I will share with those I love that Jesus is their Creator God who loves them”.

We are sometimes fooled into thinking that it is the big gestures that are fancy and meaningful, but actually it is the small and consistent choices that build a whole person and speak louder.

Perhaps we can die for Jesus, but can we die daily for Him? Can we take the small risks of faith that make up steps towards a greater understanding of who He is?

This is the challenge of a life of faith in Jesus Christ; do we believe in Him fully, and will we take risks “even if…”?

Let us not be people who think, “what if… He doesn’t show, I have it wrong, they may hate me, I may look like a total nutcase…” and be people who speak that “even if……”. 

Let us take the small risks/opportunities/decisions that builds a big faith.

Esther didn’t perish at the sword of the king but ended up seeing a total 180 degree turn of events. The Hebrew boys were put in the fire but came out of it! Unharmed and with their king seeing that there was another One with them! This also caused a 180 degree turn around!

Whether we perish or not, or look like fools or not, let us live for the Audience of One.

“did God really say?”

In the garden of Eden, we don’t know how much time passed from when God told Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Maybe they were told and so much time passed that the warning became dilute through time passing and so it was easy for the devil to come and ask…”did He really say…?”

And it is still like this today. We can have a word from God, but as the time passes, the conviction can start to wane and waver, and what was once a statement has
now become a question.

How quickly our resolve can recede as we become further from the initial instruction and command. At the start, we can be so strong and convicted, and yet as time passes, the strength and conviction will become dilute. This calls for the act of will and continuous submission and obedience to God and His
Truth and what He has said- whether we feel like it, believe it, or even desire it..

We have to obey the instruction that God gives because through time there will
be different seasons of conviction to not bothered, from disappointment to unbelief…

I believe God uses this time to mature us and to show us our true state of faith. Will we still trust and obey Him even when the voice has become faint? Will we
still agree with Him, or let circumstance or natural vision and feelings dictate? As our trusty prayer partners start to drop away, will we stay faithful to God or
leave our position and follow our brother or sister..?

Let us never be afraid to wrestle with God and the honest questions we have. God knows exactly what we have within us- faith, doubt, trust, independence…we
are the ones that don’t know what is hidden and lurking in our depths (or even shallows).

Let us always wrestle, but wrestle into blessing and not away from it.

“am I good to you?”

This was a question that my man used to ask me. My response would be that only he knew if he was good to me, because only he knows of his faithfulness, his
heart and mind towards me. I can be aware of how he is when he’s with me, but have no idea if he is respecting me when we’re not together. I have no idea if
he is honouring and backing me up to others, or if others even know anything about me..

How often can we be like this in our relationships- all about the façade and nothing about the unseen building of commitment and respect? It is such a farce.

Let us not be like this in our Christian walk with God- looking good when our actions are ‘in front of’ Him and/or others and yet having pure selfishness and a
self-serving heart and lifestyle.

Let us remember that God cannot be mocked (even if we can be) and that He sees the deepest part of our hearts and minds and knows us completely. He
knows exactly if we “are good to Him”…

a lesson from a psycho

A few months ago I listened to the testimony of a psychopath before and after Christ. His story was powerfully hard hitting and at the end he talks about how he is married with kids etc. I found this really difficult to understand as I thought that loving someone would be an emotional connection. But as I listened to his story unfold, I realised how I have been almost brainwashed in this western culture that love is all about feelings and they come and go and you just flow with them, but actually love is a choice that we have to make choices about daily (many times daily). The guy explained how although his life has been transformed and changed, he still does not have emotions, but he is able to know how to love as this is about choices and commitment. He gave the example about Jesus going to the cross. We know that Jesus prayed for this to be taken from Him, and yet submitted that desire to the greater act of Love that took Him to His horrific death.

How much we can learn from submitting our emotions to a Higher Authority.

How absolutely devastating is it to be “loved” by someone who doesn’t make the daily choices of love and therefore allows his (or her) heart and mind and attention to wander to others, and then find themselves “loving” someone else. This is such a deep betrayal that breaks hearts and trust and value, and ultimately tears families apart and breaks down communities.

We can see the western culture is all about how we feel- about ourselves (identities, sexualities, etc)- and there is no value in submitting our feelings and emotions to our previously made commitment or vow, or even to the truth of the matter. All we desire is to have our way and we make sure that we become the best lawyers to defend that this is the best way for us.

We are so self-consumed and selfish that we don’t consider how our decisions impact others- even those we have professed to “loving”. All this culture does is break hearts, trust and people. It creates further selfishness as everyone is protecting their own selves and not able to trust or confide in others.

This is not okay.

Let us not be like this. Let us rebel and rage against the system by loving others when it’s difficult, by staying true when we want to leave, and fighting for each other during dry or hard times. Let us make up our minds to love and be faithful and value this over our ever-changing fleshly desires.

Let us change the narrative and become a counter cultural resistance.