Category: heart

when the apple has been eaten

If you have ‘eaten’ of the apple that has been given to you from the enemy, then please do not bolt and bail.

When we have compromised ourselves and feel utterly foolish and like we shouldn’t show our dirty faces to God; this is when we need Him the most.

How can we think that we are able to come into Him presence when we are “doing great”?! When our best is like filthy rags to Him?! He knows us completely and desires that we come to Him during these times of need and has said that we can approach Him with boldness and confidence! This is so counter-cultural to our humanity that wants to shrink back in shame during these times of need, but God has given us access to Him through Jesus. How amazing is this powerful grace and position?!

Let us pray that we have friends (and are friends to others) who will remind each other of this amazing truth.

Don’t run!

Stay, even when it feels uncomfortable and dishonest. It will not be ‘more honest’ to be away from God. He wants all of us- our good, our bad, and our ugly. He is more than aware of the reality of who we are, our situation, and our heart. Do not run from the only One who is so for you, and the only One who can help you.

prayer life and there life

Not only is it totally necessary to have friends who you can pray with and have alongside you to pray for each other, but it is also very necessary to have friends who are “there” too.

Not only are we spirit beings that need this prayer connection, trust and value, but we are all humanity with hearts that need to have people in our lives too- to just ‘be there’.

I have found that as much as I love praying with people and “getting down to business”, it is also crucial for my heart to be able to connect in “there-ness”. Life is so full and busy that it becomes so much easier to not meet up with others and so when we do meet with each other, the cost that is paid (spending time, money, effort, energy, sorting the kids out etc) all goes into the investment of each other which raises the value that we have for ourselves and therefore others.

When we value each other and pay beyond the cheapness of convenience we start to appreciate more and more the value that God has for us. We feel the value that others have paid, and this can impact us in deep ways.

A lot of us wouldn’t want to put people out of their way because maybe we don’t believe we are worth the cost of what getting together is now. (The cost has gone up in more than just petrol and shops.. since 2020, the cost of being together with others costs us our comfortable locked down selves.)

When the Bible says that we shouldn’t stop meeting together I believe that this is massively important so that we are full human beings and not lacking in worth or value (which the enemy of our souls would love to fill with his lies and fake-fillers).

Let’s be high value people with a high value prayer life.

when history repeats…

Sometimes we can say that when history repeats, we have another opportunity to learn; like a test being re-taken. But as my own history is being repeated, I feel like this is not a test, but more like insight to see where there is still very necessary healing needed.

As I am remaking mistakes and thinking about the repeatedness of a situation, when I have considered it as a test to be re-taken, I have lost hope and found that I have wounds that are loud and shouty with painful attitude that stop me even trying to take any test. So then as I have sat and thought about why I am allowing madness a seat in my life, I thought that maybe there are still gaps that need to be filled and not despised and that this is some intel for deeper development and not just for behaviour modification.

Most people know the theory of making better decisions for most situations- if you want to lose weight then exercise and eat less, or if you want to develop a friendship or relationship then you need to spend time and energy… Knowing what to do is not really ever the issue- it is putting into practice what is is we know is best for us.

So if we know that drink and drugs is no good for us (for example), it doesn’t mean that it is simply that we stop drinking and using drugs and that’s it- all sorted. There is a deeper process to go through, otherwise we may end up just be exchanging one issue/need/addiction for another.

In all honesty, I don’t know what to do as it seems too deep and beyond me, but I know that the Word of God is true and that God of the Word is faithful and able to help me. When I don’t know what to do then I need to keep my eyes on Him. It is not a matter of feelings but faith. Both feelings or faith will gather whatever evidence to bring to the table, but feelings are never the best management for life; they have good intel, but are pretty much self-consumed and selfish!

During times like these, it is imperative that we make sure that we are fully open with even one person in our lives so that we can not allow any corners of our hearts and minds to be able to hide in darkness. To have one trusted friend who can love you when you are at your ugliest, is one of the greatest blessings you could ever have in life. May we have that friend and be that friend.

love makes the tough decisions

As I read the Word of God, and also Watchman Nee’s ‘The Spiritual Man’, it is so strongly clear that love is hardly anything to do with feelings and so much more
to do with decisions and the will of man.

We see that Jesus sweated blood as He prayed for the cup to be taken from Him. This shows that the greatest act of Love- Jesus laying His life down and dying a criminals death- was not out of “feeling good” about how gorgeous humanity was; but that He prayed, “yet not My will, but Yours be done”… and submitted Himself wholly to the Father’s plan- a plan in which love was the most painful choice and decision to make.

How many of us (especially in the west) believe that love is more to do with happiness, feelings, emotion…, rather than tough decisions, painful commitment,
faithfulness that hurts, lifestyle that costs..

If we are true followers of Christ then love will cost us everything and be (very likely) painful in the process. It will be mocked, laughed at, cause offence, and cost us more than we desire to pay… which is where our will needs to come into the submission of our lives not being our own.

Maybe that is why marriage is so weak and broken- because we are all looking for something (or someone) to serve us, rather than living with our lives laid
down for others, and ultimately God.

Love has very little to do with feelings and we would benefit to remember this especially when we have decisions to make, or when there are people who are vying to get our attention and affection outside of the boundaries of love. 

Love can also seem to repel those around us who are wanting yes-men instead of honest friendship and relationship.. 

Keep love bold, alert, and ready to engage.

“am I good to you?”

This was a question that my man used to ask me. My response would be that only he knew if he was good to me, because only he knows of his faithfulness, his
heart and mind towards me. I can be aware of how he is when he’s with me, but have no idea if he is respecting me when we’re not together. I have no idea if
he is honouring and backing me up to others, or if others even know anything about me..

How often can we be like this in our relationships- all about the façade and nothing about the unseen building of commitment and respect? It is such a farce.

Let us not be like this in our Christian walk with God- looking good when our actions are ‘in front of’ Him and/or others and yet having pure selfishness and a
self-serving heart and lifestyle.

Let us remember that God cannot be mocked (even if we can be) and that He sees the deepest part of our hearts and minds and knows us completely. He
knows exactly if we “are good to Him”…

white as snow actually exposes what has gone unseen

The first snow has been and blessed us with a beautiful display of fresh, clean covering over the dying autumn leaves. But while I was walking, I noticed cobwebs on the traffic lights that were hung and gathered which I’d not been able to see before. This caused me to remember that when God’s Word tells us that He will make us white as snow, this could cause things that has previously gone unnoticed and unseen, to be exposed.

We need to ensure that we are not discouraged when what has previously been unknown/unseen to us, starts to show up. This is stuff that we need to deal with so that we can start getting rid of stuff that no longer or has never served us. There will always be things that we need to learn and unlearn so it could seem discouraging, but this is all part of growing. So don’t give up learning (and unlearning) and allow exposure in your life and heart to know the truth of the what’s really there..

John 3v19-21: 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

notches on the bedpost- the christian version

Recently I’ve felt that as Christians we can have the same spirit of the world- but just with a different manifestation. Our manifestation will bring us the same spirit of ‘conquering’ others though.

As a christian, I totally believe that we should be spreading the amazing news that everyone is loved beyond any love ever known, and that the price has been paid for each and every man, woman and child to come into the very presence of Almighty God by accepting that Jesus Christ came to live, die and rise again for the sins of all humanity. This is amazing news to each and every soul.

It is the cry of every spirit to be seen, known, and loved. The cry that no man, woman or child can ease. Only God. Our Creator and Father.

I believe that the closer we walk towards and with God, the closer we will be to His heart, and in His heart is the yearning for every single one of us to come to Him and be loved by Him- a Love that transforms the most cold, wicked, indifferent, self-sufficient hearts..

So, please don’t misunderstand me- I totally believe in not being quiet about this Love. However, people are never projects. Sharing the gospel is not about how great we are, or how many we have conquered, how much ‘work’ we have done..

Sometimes, I feel as though there is a spirit that rallies the troops to “go get ’em” and it can become like the competition of people sleeping around; “how many have you slept with..?” (With the more notches/people, the greater the stud/respect/accolade.)

I have such painful issue with this. What person wants to be a stat or a notch on a bedpost, or a trophy head that’s been hunted and now hanging on the wall for everyone to see how great the hunter is?

Let us not have the same spirit of this world; the spirit that is deceiving, dark, self-centred and self-serving. We are to test the spirits. If the devil himself presents as an angel of light, we need to be very sensitive to which spirit we are being ‘moved’ by.

May God Himself lead us with overwhelming love for the lives of others- to pray fervently for their adoption as sons and daughters of God and our brothers and sisters in Christ. May God fill our hearts with His heart, and break our hearts for what breaks His. So that we are aware of the urgency as much as His love, and His love as much as the urgency.